The Aristocrats

2012-02-03T10:12:00.000-08:00

shorter Komen: we wanted to do this, we'll try it again in another way, please forget it has happened
.
shorterer Komen: we've decided to not do the fake investigations thing

2012-02-03T07:52:00.000-08:00

please join me in the ..

2012-02-03T07:29:00.000-08:00

.
Sandy G Underpants Race for the Cash
Which You Give to Me
.
let's cure soul cancer* in our lifetimes
.

*my wallet cancer also too

.
.

seriously folks, all that has happened
is that the thin veil has slipped
from a wingnut welfare outfit
a Heritage Foundation for TiTs
.
.

I've seen pics of conservative meetups, not many are going to race for anything. perhaps Komen can change tagline to Sitting on Couch for the Cure

four foot yardstick of Fail

2012-02-03T06:26:00.000-08:00

the Mitt Romney team
lobbies hard for Nancy Brinker endorsement
.
.

will be a poll done soon
the results oh so unsurprising
agree and strongly agree with Komen decision
in the wingnutty neighborhood of 27%

'Newt on a swing' wasn't doin' it for me so I tried 'Newt on a swing with tits'. better, ..plus and as well it's almost Friday

2012-02-02T19:05:00.000-08:00

what the fuck and why in the world and are you kidding me and what Major Idiot put Al Sharpton on TV as a ....I don't know what he is, other than awful and I felt embarrassed for him and holy shit he's bad. I could not watch past about 45 seconds of it, most of which time was spent in shock because how could anyone see this and think it should go on TV. my flabber was beyond gasted, it was galvanized. I'm hoping to go back and find that it was all a cruel Groundhog Day joke of some kind. please tell me that's what it was. ...also Mr. Google informs me I'm 10 days older than Al Sharpton. some days the internet is mean.
.
.
in this interview Brinker described herself as being in "the breast cancer space". I think she might have a bad case of soul cancer.

2012-02-02T18:26:00.000-08:00

Susan G Komen Foundation can do whatever they want with all the pink money people give them. I don't care too awful much for groups of US senators spouting off about it, the laying on of the heavy hand. people are free also to stop sending money to Susan G Komen Foundation and to suggest others likewise stop. consider that done. maybe give the money to Planned Parenthood. I have a spot in my heart for Planned Parenthood. in my youth it was the only place for sexual healthcare, because of cost or because of chatty small town doctors and parental craziness. PP helped a lot of people with nowhere else to go.

Robot takes the lead in Robot vs Pig Triathlon: Lie, Cheat, Steal (and then Lie Again because we like that part)

2012-02-02T16:19:00.000-08:00

"if only some of the new breed of Robot Pigs had competed," laments a sportsfan, "then we'd have somethin'."

2012-02-02T14:08:00.000-08:00

Romney counters Newt's Duke Cunningham endorsement with Donald Trump. and yet the Charlie Manson endorsement is still up for grabs. with higher name recognition than Duke and higher favorability rating than Donald, you guys should be all over that, like white on the Republican Party.

Danger in the rearview mirror, there's trouble in the wind...

2012-02-02T08:42:00.000-08:00

Badness bringing up the rear, the menace is loose again...

I lifted this image from Bluegal's Open Thread at Crooks and Liars, and I wondered if there were anymore photos of Newt Swinging.

Results for Newt on a swing may contain adult oriented content. Safe Search must be turned off to display these results.

She looks so fuckin' good, so sexy and so frail,
something's got the bite on me , I'm going straight to hell...

2012-02-02T08:20:00.000-08:00

do NOT cross this cat

local woman finds a perfect Jesus in the browning patterns on a pink salmon casserole, husband eats it before she can get a picture

2012-02-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

"that worthless no account hasn't been off the couch for six days, yet in the three minutes it took me to find my camera, he's in the kitchen eating my perfect Jesus right out of the casserole dish. burned his God Damn Tongue, that's all he cared about. this is the last straw, I am so done putting up with that filthy smelly lazy, ..what else? oh yeah, cheating bastard. ..you think I don't know about your precious whore? Fuck! ..and who the hell taught you how to wipe your ass?" Mrs. Koppenhoffer yelled.
.
.
Rand Paul sings 'Love Shack'

butt of course

2012-02-01T12:13:00.001-08:00

2012-02-01T10:45:00.000-08:00

"Mitt Romney came into the 2012 presidential race with a reputation as a stiff, humanoid robot. Consequently, he's been making a concerted effort to seem more warm and friendly when interacting with voters on the campaign trail. But there's a happy middle ground between "robotic" and "maniac on ecstasy" — a middle ground that seems to elude Romney on a regular basis." -Dan Amira via Sullivan

R.I.P. Don Cornelius

2012-02-01T09:17:00.000-08:00

Love, peace, and soul...

2012-02-01T08:12:00.000-08:00

Mt Rushmore seems much too earthbound, too pedestrian for Saint Reagan of Americathea. a celestial setting is more appropriate. perhaps Gnoot can announce a half trillion dollar program to invent the anti-gravity skyhook for the Reagan memorial installation. a traveling monument that casts a healing shadow over some part of America at all times.
.
.
if the real, tax-raising, deficit boosting, Lebanese tail-tucking, 'non-military force using' wimp Ronald Reagan were running in this Republican primary race, he'd be getting so few votes that his only hope would be a possible VP spot on the Huntsman ticket.

2012-02-01T07:28:00.001-08:00

dear employed people of America
next time you talk to your boss
ask him if he could restructure your remuneration
as carried interest

he/she will know what you're talking about
just like Man of the People Mitt Romney's boss does
it's all the Rage

Fuck the Pink Ribbon

2012-02-01T06:43:00.000-08:00

.
all done with that
no more pink-ribboned products will enter this house
.

2012-01-31T20:37:00.000-08:00

might
as well face it

what a wonderful feeling ...

2012-01-31T18:40:00.000-08:00

made it all the way to 9:40 pm before I remembered that I'm supposed to be breathlessly awaiting The Returns so I can make fun of The Republican Base, otherwise known as The Rock Solid and also too Easily Reprogrammable Foxnewzican VoterBots. nope, naagonnadoit. I'm going to be one of those 'who gives a shit' people and skip the parade, make do with the lowlights sometime tomorrow.

Feels like a Beach Boys Night

2012-01-31T18:28:00.000-08:00

.
this might be the gayest video I've ever watched
if the man who approved those trousers isn't gay
I'll eat a cock

The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Part Six, Chapter 8. Milan Kundera predicts Facebook.

2012-01-31T17:08:00.000-08:00

.
How did the senator know that children meant happiness? Could he see into their souls? What if, the moment they were out of sight, three of them jumped the fourth and began beating him up?
The senator had only one argument in his favor: his feeling. When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object. In the realm of Kitsch, the dictatorship of the heart reigns supreme.
The feeling induced by kitsch must be a kind the multitudes can share. Kitsch may not, therefore, depend on an unusual situation; it must derive from the basic images people have engraved in their memories: the ungrateful daughter, the neglected father, children running on the grass, the motherland betrayed, first love.
Kitsch causes two tears to flow in quick succession. The first tear says: How nice to see children running on the grass!
The second tear says: How nice to be moved, together with all mankind, by children running on the grass!
It is the second tear that makes kitsch kitsch.
The brotherhood of man on earth will be possible only on a base of kitsch.

2012-01-31T16:54:00.000-08:00

mostly good stuff at the library today. I'm the guy who brings them flowers from time to time and today I was interested in Shakespeare. librarians love talking about Bill. I had all the help I could handle. the nice lady who runs the place would not let me leave without taking a DVD of The Queen with Helen Mirren and getting on the wait list for (first choice) The Tempest. ..one sad note: I caught the end of a conversation between a white-haired man(grampa I assume) and a little girl. they were playing a game where they would think up funny names for people in their family according to their habits. the little girl said, "we can call you 'TV-watching guy'". I did everything I could to pretend I hadn't overheard. tough blow when that's how your granddaughter sums you up. at least he had her in the library, that's a start.

President Obama makes a campaign stop in West Oz

2012-01-31T11:54:00.001-08:00

here

Christianists of the Eternal Circle Jerk "to exist is to be under unfair attack is to exist"

2012-01-31T10:55:00.000-08:00

.
the paramedics in Christianistburg don't check for a pulse
.
we're the emergency medical team sir, you've had an accident
can you hear my voice? do you feel unfairly attacked because of your religious beliefs?
.
um yes, as a matter of fact I do. the Obama DemoRats are waging a War....
.
He's Alive!!!

hooray! he outperformed the polling!!!! OMG he underperformed the polling :(

2012-01-31T09:26:00.000-08:00

.
funny how those results are interpreted as a good thing or a bad thing for the candidate rather than a bad thing for the poll methodology. 'tis indeed a world turned upsidedown.
.
.
from the who knew? file: Dreher funny

the eternal whine

2012-01-31T09:16:00.000-08:00

Gnoot knows deep in his bones that the people he's reaching out to, need to be victims. it's primary, it's basic, on the same plane as the need for oxygen, water or Hoverounds.
.
"Now, I think we need to have a government that respects our religions. I’m a little bit tired about respecting every religion on the planet. I’d like them to respect our religion," - Newt Gingrich.
via Sullivan

2012-01-31T07:25:00.000-08:00

being the red-headed step-child of a red-headed step-child is OK. loses its stigma after the first generation. ..and yes, you are correct, I wrote this just so I could say stigma. a beautiful word, sounds like sex in a doctor's office.

an old friend (now way famous and happy married) stops by with an observation on the relative value of blowjobs

2012-01-30T15:16:00.000-08:00

Fran / Blue Gal said...

Triple strand pearls, Tiffany's, 40K. About what the middle class used to make in a year, she gets for one blow job a month.

if there was a Sleeping Olympics for Dogs, I have the gold and silver medal winners right here in my house, no doubt about it. they could make the comatose feel like active members of society.

go here for illusions, really you should

here's Roy with the latest Saul Alinsky news. find out who the real Alinsky is. it may be the Girl Scouts, may be Newt Gingrich, may be you.

2012-01-30T11:21:00.000-08:00

funny
.
fun
.
my contract requires me to link to any post about underpants

2012-01-30T09:22:00.000-08:00

thirty years ago this month I was at Budget Rent-A-Car, Toledo airport. in the back room by my girlfriend's side as she(on her break Mr. Ballas) made the call to her doctor. the answer was yes, pregnant. ..we were happy as two clueless lovebirds could be. a big grin took hold of my face and didn't leave for weeks. that baby was loved, from the beginning and counting. this summer my almost 30 year old Seattle son Riley and the lovely Mindi of his dreams will be wed. there is talk of children. there's that grin again.

2012-01-29T18:38:00.001-08:00

surprise surprise surprise
.
rich media people would prefer that
rich media people not pay more taxes
.
they are made rich for a reason
guess what that reason is
it is not their amazing gift for accuracy

2012-01-29T17:21:00.000-08:00

imagine all the filthy things I want you to do to me

.
.
Sandy say dance like nobody's watchin'
.
.
New Rule

Brendan Sullivan

2012-01-28T16:25:00.000-08:00

My old buddy Brendan died about 10 years ago. I don't remember exactly when it was, but it was shortly after the Worldcom scandal. Remember Worldcom? Brendan worked for them briefly before the whole shit hit the fan. He died shortly after leaving Worldcom, suffering an epileptic seizure.

Brendan was a banjo picker, but he played stuff like "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" instead of "Foggy Mountain Breakdown". He drove an old Chevy pick-up (1963?) and painted it with green house paint. Up above is a quick sketch of Freddie's dog Shea in the back of Brendan's truck. I remember one time Freddie and I were visiting Brendan up on Mt. Riga, and he blew out a brake line. His folks were always teasing him about getting rid of the truck anytime something broke, and buying something new, but he just yanked out the worn out part, and put in the new part. If I remember correctly, he had the power steering from a Mercury Montego installed on the truck.

Brendan had quit college after a couple of years, and went to Jamaica to work as a Maintenance Expert at a resort in Runaway Bay. Brendan could fix anything, it's no wonder why he loved his Chevy. I don't remember how long he did that, 2 years? 1 year? He eventually came back and went back to college, graduated. He spent some time working at a hardware store, fixing lawnmowers and other assorted small engines, before the ill fated Worldcom gig.

Mt Riga was quite a time. Massive meteor showers in August of 1991. There was a French family that had driven up the mountain and were camped out in their car down by the dam. Brendan invited them back to the farmhouse. They were visiting family in Montreal, and drove down to Mt Riga because they had read somewhere that Mt Riga would be the best place to view the meteor showers. We set them up with cots and blankets, busted out the wine and beer. The dad was a bit of a George H. W. Bush fan, and after a bit of spirited discussion, he said in his Parisian English "Nothing divides people like politics and religion", and we wisely went back to watching the meteor showers. In the morning, Brendan had phone numbers and addresses for places to stay in Montreal and France, if he ever got out that way.

who's that at the door? oh no, it's the underpants police!

2012-01-28T15:53:00.001-08:00

it's a boring story but Dollar General just fucked with me, so I thought I'd have some fun and fuck back ...

2012-01-28T15:01:00.000-08:00

at a very active Dollar General complaint site in the name Sally Kellstein, I gave Dollar General five stars and left the message below. their stores always have trash around them, the number at the site is for Dollar General corporate offices, let the fun begin:

"I contacted Dollar General to complain about the trash that is often around their store in my neighborhood. gives the area a rundown appearance and does not look nice at all. not only was the problem fixed within a few days, but Dollar General sent me a lovely apology and a $100 coupon to use in any of their stores. they are tops with this home-schooling Mom."
.
update: Sally's message has been approved and now sits at the top of the site
.
here's another 5 star* review from Amy: "Employees at the dollar general behind the bank in grayson kentucky have sex in their cars in the parking lot"
*must have been very good sex, one wonders if Amy was a spectator or a participant. is she complaining or bragging?

2012-01-28T11:27:00.001-08:00

here

Hey, quiet down, everyone just shut up, OK...

2012-01-28T10:42:00.000-08:00

...Woody has The Conch.

from ecstasy to despair in seven minutes

2012-01-28T08:54:00.000-08:00

Nellie and Goofy love beef flavored rawhide bones. with Nellie it goes beyond love, I never see her quite so happy, she does the whole body wag. but because Nellie Eats Everything about three times faster than Goofy, after her seven minutes of ecstasy she must endure double that of the despair of seeing Goofy still enjoying his. she keeps both eyes on his treat just in case it might fly out of his paws to where she can steal it(has never happened). she knows better than to get very close, Goof may be slow, but he takes the treats very seriously, has a special growl for those occasions when Nellie encroaches on his widened territorial limit.
.
.fun fun fun

TiT RePost, because I'm lazy, because I was cleaning up my desktop and was reminded how much I dig this one. diggity dig funny happy sexy nudity ...

2012-01-28T08:27:00.000-08:00

with a wink included

Bunker Mentality

2012-01-27T11:07:00.000-08:00

Mista, we could use a man like Hoybit Hoovah, agayn.

People don't pick you up on the Hoover Highway, on the Hoover Highway, you travel alone.

2012-01-27T10:24:00.000-08:00

atheists and Christians alike should not worry so much about Sharia law and worry a little bit more about Mormon law. Mormons are an aggressive and persistent people. perhaps good at heart but all about recruitment and amassing political power, lotta new rules to follow, new types of underpants to wear. did y'all notice that the Republican Party is on the cusp of anointing a Mormon as their Leader? Mormon Jesus is coming to Missouri, just like Joseph 'The Prophet' Smith said. believing that is the only way to heaven.

making up for the times I was late for Friday TiT blogging. a little fiery irony for your perusal

2012-01-26T19:57:00.000-08:00

honesty time

2012-01-26T19:35:00.000-08:00

I've been saying a Romney win was inevitable for almost a year and it looks like a gold-plated lock now, but I didn't fully share my doubts with y'all about Newt(doubts I articulated to my son who helps to keep me honest, everyone should have such a son). I've thought that Newt had a solid shot twice now, especially this time with the voters of Florida. he's such a perfect fit for the Florida winger voters I've heard talk politics. oh well. ..also my prediction that Sarah the Palin would be a big Mitt supporter never panned out. perhaps Mitt wouldn't meet her price and she decided to team up with her fellow Grifter. whatever, I was dead wrong about that one and wavering behind the scenes on the other. still think TPaw is a lock for VP.

2012-01-26T18:36:00.000-08:00

regarding third party runs
Ron Paul won't but I can totally see Newt doing it
.
theological question: were The Founders sent to America by Jesus or God or Ronald Reagan?
.
looks like a wrap folks, Newt crapped out: starting tomorrow morning, everything that Mitt Romney is, that's also what conservatism will be

United Sore Losers of America, Unite, or something

2012-01-26T14:58:00.000-08:00

for those Republicans wishing to win the presidential election you need look no further than the recommendation from John 'I picked Palin' McCain, the guy who got stomped by Barack Obama. and now you can also follow the recommendation put forward by Bob 'yelling at clouds' Dole, the guy who got stomped by Bill Clinton. lucky you, it's the same dude, Mittens Romney, endorsed by more losers than any other candidate.
.
a Christianist in Mormon underpants
.
this is why Romney will lose the general. among other reasons of course, but this is a big one

Greeting the Future in Reverse, a new car introduction by The Conservative Car Co.

2012-01-26T11:56:00.000-08:00

.
it's exactly like the Chevy Caprice
except the windshield is replaced by a supersized rearview mirror
can see all the way back to 1950
.
.

this got me wondering how many people drive a Caprice without knowing the meaning of the word. for the answer you'll have to sign up for my online university course: The Incuriosity of Some Folks, Advanced Studies. also if you wish to hear the word 'folks' spoken repeatedly and many times and over and over, listen to a Romney speech. very folksy.
.
I do vaguely recall the odd ad campaign for the Caprice: "Yes, we admit this is a bizarre name for a motor vehicle, a piece of machinery that is all about precise control of forces. but whatever, we liked the sound of it and if you're buying this car, the odds are good that you won't know or care what the name means. happy Capriciousness!"

Newt The Plumb Her

2012-01-26T08:48:00.000-08:00

Newt Gingrich is trying to make himself out to be Joe Sexpack, All American Regular Guy. (Hat tip to Tengrain)

I'm guessing that Newt masturbates multiple times a day because he feels so passionately for his Cuntry. JerryB nails it with this comment on this post:

If an open marriage was the deal breaker for wife the second then you know it was required of wife the current. Probably part of the pre-nup.
Here's a fun game. Guess the mistress. Start watching the Newt-Paloozas to see who's standing in the background. Whichever pretty blond bimbo we see consistently at these events has got to be the one. He'll keep her close because you never know when you'll need a quick one and Newt thinks we're all idiots and would never catch on.

2012-01-25T19:21:00.001-08:00

it's semi-occasional Butt Wednesday! hooray!

2012-01-25T13:01:00.000-08:00

.
.
.

a new proposal can never be made because, why didn't you already do it? and also why don't you and your policies bat 1.000 like all Republicans do always? ah ha, gotcha.
what a doof. dear Chris, biblical scholars will tell you why God created time: "so everything doesn't happen at once"
.
the conservative conundrum: caught between a sponge and a jellyfish
.

Romneymania Sweeps America
.
.

wow, a Republican family potluck
with plate after plate of self hate
link via @bluegal
.
Nancy's got a mouse in her pocket
and that mouse told her all of Gnoot's secrets
.

2012-01-25T12:43:00.001-08:00

a transaction, double ka-ching

2012-01-25T12:17:00.000-08:00

in the Beginning there was Brainiac

Newton Leroy Gingrich's Intelligence joined hands with his Smartness and they put on their wise pants one wise leg at a time. Brilliantly they reached back in time and hatched the big clever idea to have a universe.

2012-01-25T11:40:00.000-08:00

after every bout of wrongness from 'he who must always be wrong', Andrew Sullivan looks into the mirror and says "meep meep and gosh all fishhooks, I'm Wile E. Coyote this time". one wonders if he will ever realize: he IS Wile E. Coyote.

2012-01-25T11:23:00.000-08:00

about 2:10 into the Warren interview Jon Stewart makes a perfectly hilarious comment. I'll love him forever for that moment.

2012-01-25T10:33:00.000-08:00

conservatives' all time fave lyric:
"lie to me, I promise I'll believe"

.

here's Sheryl

tough job for current Republican presidential candidates, they have such big clown shoes to fill

2012-01-25T10:18:00.000-08:00

day in the life of a conservative wordsmith

2012-01-24T22:19:00.000-08:00

find something a lot of people like
put the word 'conservative' in front of it
do lunch
go golf
do mistress
go home
.
.

don't read
if distraught wingers
make you cry

2012-01-24T19:19:00.000-08:00

um, winning!
.
are we sure that Mitt Romney is not also a Democratic plant?
.
almost certain Chuck Todd just assured us there will be real chatter regarding Mitch Daniels, if certain things fall into place. real chatter
.
Mitch Daniels is too boring to understand, just made a boffo light bulb reference. now back to more thick thick boring ...
.
more Daniels fluffing by C. Todd
.
replay of Giffords greeting: pity the poor person next in line to Gabby Giffords, a mammoth letdown in greeting quality. no dancing hug.
.
funny line at Guardian: "Hey it's Michele Bachmann on Fox News! I'd forgotten she existed."
.
tweet of the night

mitrebox @mitrebox

We also killed Bin Laden's Secretary. For fairness.

2012-01-24T17:59:00.000-08:00

going with the 'envy' line eh John Boehner? straight from the manicured mouth of Mitt. that could be a definition of political malpractice: stealing from the Romney campaign.

it's a package deal with Newt, it's buy one get one free

2012-01-24T16:05:00.001-08:00

I'm going to have to bite out my brain for even thinking this but, oh my doG, I agree with Newt. America should be allowed to see and hear the full flower of wingnut audiencehood. turn those crazies up to eleven so their hoots and hollers reach every nook of this great country. and all the crannies also too.
a vote for any Republican is a vote for the Republican posse, the 27 percenters. establishment Republicans(the Mitt Brunch Bunch) are ashamed of most of their voters, want to hide them, NBC went along with it. CNN & FOX not so much and good for them.

Shorter Newt

2012-01-24T10:12:00.000-08:00

I'm into Cheerleaders.

2012-01-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

more Paula Deen

Victory and Victimhood, the ONLY faces of Republicanism

2012-01-24T09:26:00.000-08:00

2012-01-23T17:42:00.000-08:00

good blog at Economist

2012-01-23T17:04:00.000-08:00

here

another 'quaking in his loafers' shot

2012-01-23T12:02:00.000-08:00

check out the double weasel ending of the first one here. "With Newt Gingrich as the nominee of the party, that is, perhaps, all up in the air." not just perhaps, not just up in the air, but perhaps up in the air. ..he be a sloppy, ass-covering writer. for sure and to a vanishment of all doubt.
.
this is fun

'but but but, I was next in line' sayeth damp-eyed Mitt

2012-01-23T10:06:00.000-08:00

something readable at The Corner
water becomes unwet, fish turn into pie

Gazing forward in time 2014. a Gingrich White House ...

2012-01-22T17:55:00.000-08:00

when conservative pundits assure us
blowjobs in the Oval Office
are a sign of presidential manliness

2012-01-22T17:25:00.000-08:00

the Big bluster is often used to hide the Big doubt. such is the case with the ridiculous 'we've got this election(general) in the bag' that we've heard at the Republican debates. and dancing around that idea are two groups who tend to support Gingrich. one group, the people who buy the bluster, see the primaries as the end game and want the biggest baddest wildest change-doer they can manage to select, to do the cakewalk against Obama. the opposite group, those whose big doubts have increased to a near certainty. they know they're gonna lose, so they want to lose with someone willing to fight dirty and insult the Kenyan Usurper(that one).

Newt loves marriage so much he wants to do it to as many women as possible

2012-01-22T13:06:00.001-08:00

and if you believe Mister G hasn't strayed from the marital bed, 'Callista edition', I have some worthless stuff that I'll sell you for a lot of money. Newt's had a goodly long stretch of not getting publicly caught, I'll give him that much. his dick has learned some discretion. also helping to combat the impulse for strange pussy; Callista, the lovely clam-headed wife, has not been stricken by a lingering life-threatening disease. that's a big plus in a wife. cancer and MS have been known to be deal-breakers.

winger comment re: Gnoot's win in SC

2012-01-22T12:45:00.000-08:00

"If the margin in SC is substantial, the White House will be quaking in their loafers."
.
yup, winger be so right. here's a short clip of the quaking, you'll have to imagine the loafers.

does anyone older than twelve ever give this country/party love crap an ounce of credibility?

2012-01-22T11:06:00.000-08:00

But, if Romney called him to talk about Christie being on the ticket with him, “I love my country enough and my I love my party enough to listen.”

2012-01-22T09:54:00.000-08:00

when 'I don't know what this means'

is a feature not a bug

The Straight Cock Express Rides Again

2012-01-22T06:19:00.001-08:00

Back in April of 2007, 8 months or so before the Iowa Caucus, John McCain was way down in the polls, his campaign seemingly in disarray. I enjoyed giving him the Straight Story treatment, but, despite being way down in the polls, he had that smug asshole attitude that he would be the nominee, almost as if he knew the fix was in.

Newt Gingrich has that same smug asshole attitude.

Fun Fact!--Michele Bachmann's campaign bus was once John McCain's Straight Talk Express.

With apologies to Henry Miller, Anais Nin, and Jim Morrison.

Comix, comics, comixx, comic strips, editorial cartoons, cartoons, comic books, underground comix, satire, parody, Republicans, political cartoons, John Poindexter, Ollie North, G. Gordon Liddy, John Bolton, Ronald Reagan, Sarh Palin, Joe Lieberman

Zencomix

Huckabee: This Election Is Like A Box Of Salted Dicks, you always know you're gonna get a salted dick

2012-01-21T16:37:00.000-08:00

conservative Christianists do not care if anyone does the values, so long as everyone sez the values. except for the homo stuff, up with that they will not put, saying or (getting caught)doing.
.
dear republican wackjobs, I am loathe to help you but I must say this: positioning yourselves on the side of Mitt's non-release of tax returns is the wrong road dudes. I know y'all are blinded by hate of everyone that is not Y. O. U. so I will do you this favor, it's the wrong road and everyone knows it but you.

are two layers of plastic between us and our food enough?

2012-01-21T09:28:00.000-08:00

NO!
says the U.S. packaging industry
.
Kitchen Supplies Recommended For Packaging Removal Purposes
heavy shears and slip jaw pliers, hammers, tongs
screwdrivers, a vice, an anvil, a propane torch
and a chainsaw

2012-01-21T08:51:00.000-08:00

breaking: Republicans say today exactly what Mister Underpants said on Thursday morning
.
looks like Gnoot is going to take South Carolina. next up is Florida and I ask you, How could the collection of easily manipulated 'conservatives' who elected Rick Scott as governor not give their primary to Gingrich as well and also too? let the rational(ha ha)izations begin. Gnoot never did those awful bad things, plus God has forgiven him for those he might have done because of too much love for America.

good products/stores thread

2012-01-21T07:06:00.000-08:00

1. Kroger has a party tray packed with delicious sushi, 25 of them, for $10.99. had sushi for supper, had sushi for breakfast, haven't got the tray even half finished. also good buck a bag tortilla chips, good low carb yogurt, decent flowers and lots more. have returned a few items over the years with no problem at all. good store.
2. Dick's Sporting Goods. all around great store. good prices, good personnel, good products, easy returns.
3. illuminated jeweler's loupe online for $3-$8(price diff is mostly case quality). you will see plenty of comments in user reviews like "not 30x as advertised". bottom line: who gives a shit. it makes small things very much bigger and is a useful tool for cheap.
4. Swanson's supplements online, low prices, good products, high efficiency, no mistakes.
5. Wal-Mart Vision Center Wauseon Ohio. this one is specific because a lot of the satisfaction has to do with the eye doctor at the store. we have a very good one. also low prices.
6. and a shout out to Wal-Mart dot com, where I've never done business. they identified and working with my bank, reversed, two large fraudulent charges on my debit card, without any effort by me.
add your faves in comments if you are so inclined

2012-01-20T21:25:00.000-08:00

Krauthammer takes the obligatory stroll around the bash Obama barn, before rolling around in a big smelly pile of truth. the GOP's circular firing squad. and we totally have Newt to thank. I'm saying that former Speaker Gingrich is a Democratic undercover operative. try and prove me wrong.

Mitt Tits

2012-01-20T16:50:00.001-08:00

titties that are so hot, they are indeed
too hot to handle with your bare hands

2012-01-20T16:45:00.001-08:00

the BIG BOMBSHELL in the Gingrich House ethics report:

they confirmed that he doesn't have any

2012-01-20T16:42:00.001-08:00

2012-01-20T16:39:00.001-08:00

Behooves? just who does Cantor think he's talkin' to ...

2012-01-20T15:12:00.000-08:00

the anti-intellectual nutballs in his base hear 'behooves' and the first thought that pops into their tricorned heads is 'fuck youze'

1st Date Unasked Questions:

2012-01-20T07:30:00.000-08:00

.
what is that smell?
.
how many cats are you currently sleeping with?
.
can you give me a decent approximation of how much time I'll have to put in before we get to the part where you're sucking my dick?

bring the funny

2012-01-20T06:37:00.000-08:00

"Newt asked Callista for an open marriage
so he could FUCK ALL 300 MILLION OF US."

three reasons why Rick Perry should run for president again ..right now

2012-01-19T14:34:00.000-08:00

1. it'll be a fresh start
2. the field has narrowed considerably
3. the press will love the spontaneity of it
4. all his mistakes have been forgiven by God
5. can update to a smarter more articulate presentation
6. a lot of the debates are over
7. can market himself as the not Romney, Gingrich, Santorum or Paul candidate
8. can call himself New & Improved Perry with 47% more CHRISTIAN POWER
9. can get loads of Perry for President gear at clearance prices
10. everyone roots for The Underdog
11. everyone loves The Comeback Kid!

Newton Leroy Gingrich never takes a break from being totally full of shit

2012-01-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

"She called a minister they both trusted. He came over to the house the next day and worked with them the whole weekend, but Gingrich just kept saying she was a Jaguar and all he wanted was a Chevrolet. " 'I can't handle a Jaguar right now.' He said that many times. 'All I want is a Chevrolet.' ""
.
wonder how the ol' Chevy likes seeing that remark in print?

that's right, the horse goes before the cart

2012-01-19T10:34:00.000-08:00

Mitt Romney isn't embarrassed about being rich because Americans are anti-rich assholes who won't leave him alone about it. Americans love a lot of rich people. the causation goes the other way, Americans are curious about the source and management of his wealth because Mitt Romney is so embarrassed by it. he talks about his moola like a teenager talking about how many beers he may have possibly had and it was probably only um, a couple I'm almost sure, before wrecking, I mean you know geez, not really wrecking, the car isn't wrecked, a lot of that will um, you know, buff right out. plus it wasn't all my fault. .......I'm really really sorry.
..Can you imagine The Donald taking that tone, belittling his bankables? Fuck no. and a lot of people, including me(small doses), get a kick out of his over the top braggadocio. Mittens is on the other end of that 'happy with my cash' continuum. his public relationship with his dough ray me is strange like a loose tooth, so of course America's tongue is checking on that every five minutes, I mean all the time.

Paula Deen Fried for Your Sins

2012-01-19T08:45:00.000-08:00

This one's for you, Sandy!

breaking: Paula Deen dead in plane crash ...

2012-01-18T11:54:00.000-08:00

Paula Deen's estate endorses Cessna and Acme Funeral Homes

2012-01-18T11:10:00.000-08:00

OH. MY. GOD. talking with our enemies!
shouldn't we kill them first?

" ...until I slide out all wet and electable."

2012-01-18T09:49:00.001-08:00

funny and educamational

2012-01-17T18:09:00.000-08:00

when Rick Perry speaks of America's allies, he means white Christian people who wouldn't be caught dead in a towel hat. so you see Turkey doesn't come close to qualifying, no matter what those NATO nitwits say.

2012-01-17T17:52:00.001-08:00

perpetual preemptive shock, Red State author writes a perfectly true sentence, pigs circle LaGuardia

2012-01-17T16:03:00.000-08:00

.
"We will be shocked at what is yet to come."
.

2012-01-17T15:45:00.000-08:00

"Whereas liberals lay around in beanbag chairs in between trips to cash their welfare checks at the liquor store which they also rob." -Roy always good for a laugh

in case you were wondering, yes there is a ...

2012-01-17T14:59:00.000-08:00

Sack Blabbath

to top off Perry's string of missteps, brain farts and giggle attacks

2012-01-17T14:47:00.000-08:00

..his dang face is starting to fall off

"I have three things to say about that"

2012-01-17T14:24:00.000-08:00

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." -most of America to Rick Perry
.
if Rick Perry had a brain, it would probably be wishing it had never run for president

2012-01-17T13:54:00.001-08:00

from here via Mindi