a solo exhibition by Weston Jandacka
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Bill Clinton drops bombshell
 In a surprise move, former President Clinton has endorsed the candidacy of Barack Obama, bringing the Illinois Democrat's delegate tally to 1971, just 55 votes short of the number required to secure the Democratic nomination. "I'm proud today to announce my support for the 44th President of the United States," Clinton told Katharine Seelye of the New York Times. "Together we can bring about the kind of change that this country so sorely needs." The announcement comes just hours after the President's soon to be ex-wife cited the possible assassination of Barack Obama as a reason for her remaining in the race. "I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a factor," agreed Clinton. "I mean, everybody's known that Obama has this thing wrapped up for ages. I was trying to position her for the Vice Presidency, but it looks like she's really blown that possibility too. There's no use for me to just sit back here twiddling my thumbs when there's history in the making." Clinton added that another motivation for his endorsement was the long-term damage Hillary's campaign has done to his legacy. "I left office with an abundance of good will, at least within the Democratic Party. My presidency looks pretty good in retrospect, although I admit that I benefited from being the meat in the middle of a Bush sandwich. I want to get out there and restore my reputation." Clinton paused before continuing thoughtfully. "Whatever debt I owe her for my previous carousing, I guess I've paid it back in full." Still, President Clinton cautioned against believing that his wife's future was anything but bright. "Shoot, being a New York Senator is really a pretty sweet deal. If I was still advising her - which I'm not - I'd tell her to just try and hold on to that." |
Friday, May 23, 2008
We are becoming fuel
Mass graves, the casualties of decades of human negligence in confronting global warming, will eventually (in a few million years) become fossil fuels for future inhabitants of earth!
Hillary has a conversation with a friend
c'mon Evelyn, you must remember, five years ago? spring of 03, we had that late frost. didn't you catch your husband raping your cat that spring? remember? you had put on all that weight, and Larry was bangin' the cat. and your twins Darla and Carla broke out of prison, right? have you seen them lately? anyway, you were so fat, wow, and Larry was bangin' the cat, I remember that, and ...
no Hill, that was 2002.
oh right. so the next spring.
stereo nutjobs
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goreadroy: "The Hagee supporters, in contrast, may just reckon that God's kingdom is not of this earth, and stay home on Election Day to whittle and beat their children."
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seems that mccain's recent spate of repudiate
gives Huck the double inside track for VP
he'll be the kiss of 'kiss and make up'
gives Huck the double inside track for VP
he'll be the kiss of 'kiss and make up'
Time for Obama to get a restraining order?
"My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California." - Hillary Clinton, on why she should stay in the race.
irony thicker than peanut butter
"...But the real aim of the lengthy missive could be found in its very last line, in which Mr. Gillespie accused NBC of blurring the lines between its news division and “blatantly partisan talk show hosts like Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann at MSNBC.”"...
"And on Thursday Mr. Gillespie talked about it on Fox News, in which he said, “We have actually gotten a lot of reaction.”"...
congrats mr. gills-pie, sandy is speechless
Cranky old man gives Obama a real talking to
 When Senator Barack Obama took a break in his campaign to stop in at his day-job yesterday, little did he know that he was on the verge of receiving one of the most strident scoldings of his adult life. Obama had returned to Washington DC in order to vote for the 21st century GI Bill, which was opposed by both President Bush and his doppelganger John McCain, who believe that the bill gives members of the military 'too much hope and opportunity for the good of our country'. During the floor vote, Obama rose to once again offer lavish praise to McCain, whose service he endlessly respects, and once again called the old man a great American hero blah blah blah. Then Obama went on and raised the question on everyone's minds - namely, why doesn't this ancient windbag want to extend to the current military the same benefits that GIs had received since World War II? McCain had skipped the Senate session so that nobody could accuse him of voting against the military, but this was too much for the cranky septuagenarian to take from a young half-black whippersnapper like Barack Obama. McCain unloaded the big guns, saying "I will not accept from Senator Obama, who did not feel it was his responsibility to serve our country in uniform, any lectures on my regard for those who did." Oblivious to the fact that he had just hurt the feelings of the entire Bush administration, McCain rambled on. "Perhaps, if Senator Obama would take the time and trouble to understand this issue he would learn to debate an honest disagreement respectfully," McCain declared, in spite of the fact that he would rather spend a month in Cleveland than to actually debate the topic. "But, as he always does, he prefers impugning the motives of his opponent, and exploiting a thoughtful difference of opinion to advance his own ambitions," McCain continued, impugning Obama's motives, and exploiting his thoughtful difference of opinion to advance his own senile ambitions, before delivering the coup de grâce. "If that is how he would behave as President, the country would regret his election." "Wow, that really hurt," Obama responded, nursing his wounds and beer in a Capitol Hill tavern where the jukebox played weepy old George Jones ballads. "I know I've got a lot to learn. Maybe Senator McCain is right, the military really is like a tube of toothpaste that you squeeze until it's all used up and then toss aside. I guess you can always buy another tube of toothpaste, but all the money in the world won't buy back my self-esteem." |
Everything you need to know about the economy condensed into a singl paragraph
The clearest explanation for our current economic mess comes from economist Michael Hudson who tells us:
The historic road to serfdom is debt peonage to a financial oligarchy
concentrating wealth in its own hands. The problem for society…is that
finance finds its major gains to lie not in raising living standards, but in
promoting a free lunch for its customers—while turning corporate profits,
monopoly rent-seeking and real estate price gains into a flow of interest to
itself, by advancing the credit to finance the purchase of these assets and
privileges.
So how did we get into this mess? Because greed turns the most brilliant of financial wizards into a financial retard.
Hudson says it will take some “high-octant” populism to change this.
Is anybody there?
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Kill Bill
If you're wondering why some people cheer as Google and Linux systematically eat Microsoft's lunch, read on for a personal example.
A day before I left for Japan, I pressed the "Easyshare" (sumthin' like that) button on my USB-connected Kodak. The speakers began to hiss loudly, then crackle for about 10 seconds, then the computer died.
I took it in to service, since it had a lifetime service warranty and I regularly "fuck with" computers enough during the day that the novelty has worn off and when I get home, all I want to do is read The Aristocrats, maybe have a beer, and maybe discover some leading edge internet porn.
It needed a new power supply. A new motherboard. A new video card. CPU. "Totaled" or, in high tech parlance, it was "fucked." $700 dollars later, I bring it home, boot it up, and Bill Gates wants me to "activate" Windows. No problem. I am a Windows Genuine Advantage customer. I paid for Windows and this should be routine.
It wasn't. Microsoft tells me that I have exceeded the number of times my OS can be activated and now I have to buy it again. That's about $200 more - on top of the $700 I just spent for the system repair. Like a hungry vulture, Bill Gates roosts atop your LCD monitor, waiting for your hardware to fail so he can pass "Go" and collect $200.
Go Google! Kill the vulture!
Can we call it a pander now?
Just sayin', it's getting ready to be Memorial Day weekend here in a couple hours, and unless I've missed something, neither Senator Clinton or Senator McCain has bothered to submit their 'gas tax holiday' legislation.
the other day I was waiting in line at the post office; so was an attractive woman. it was just the two of us waiting for an annoying third. unbidden the thought entered my head, wouldn't it be great to use this wasted time by gettin' down on the floor for some sex. kinda like those monkeys do, you know sex as a social lubricant, like a musky sticky screaming handshake. OH MY GOD I'm glad to make your acquaintance.
I know enough about guys to say with some certainty that my thoughts were not unusual. maybe the gals do the same. or not? share if you feel like it.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Coulda Been Somebody
Ironic. The Republican Party gained its first presidency by a man who said, "You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time."
Maybe he didn't say it - there's some disagreement, you know.
Funny. "Some of the people all of the time," those true-believers still saying WMDs got moved to Syria or Iran, the people we tortured are "animals," "support our troops" - but deny them adequate health care, humane living quarters, modern armor, and watch belligerently as PTSS and multiple tours eat irreversible holes in their lives.
Somebody must have said it, Lincoln works for me.
Kinda sad. Preliminary results seem to be saying that the once Grand party is headed for a decisive drubbing in the upcoming elections. While one can never count out the prodigious ability of our beloved opposition to self-destruct - we've seen it happen many times before - the post mortems will likely say the GOP forgot its mission.
Small government has metastized into Big Brother. Balanced budgets have been shoved aside to build useless bridges. Sudsidies for ADM to grow ethanol corn are starving the third world and mocking sacrosanct free markets. Torture. Gross criminal negligence has infected the brain, the NRCC - "busting out," mafia style, the very organization that's supposed to insure their prolonged idealogical dominance.
I like to believe that Lincoln said it. He was a wise man, a man of honor. The GOP once stood for something.
When you hear someone on the TV or radio, even NPR, saying that they backed Hillary and would never vote for Obama if he gets the nomination, it's safe to assume they are Republican "plants" who never would have voted Democratic anyway. This is SOP for the GOP.
2nd stage of grief"...In LONDON - during the BLITZ!"
Bush's approval rating fell 4 percentage points to 23 percent, a record low for pollster John Zogby...
"23 percent? Wha? HITLER had a higher approval rating than that..."
Nouri's Koran
 Hello, President Maliki... Hey, it's George... George W Bush... President of the United States... Yeah, good to talk to you, too. How's everything hangin' in Baghdad?... Everything but Chemical Ali, huh. Good one, Nouri. Some people think you guys don't have any sense of humor, but I... Oh... So he's still on trial. Well, don't go and... What? Chemical Ali is a Christian? When did that happen? Oh... I see... That's awful nice of you, but I don't think it will offend the American people if you hang a Christian... No... Absolutely not. Go for it. I executed lots of em when I was a governor. Let God sort em out... God, Allah, whatever. Anyway, I'm glad you brought up the topic of religious, and uh, cultural differences, Nouri. That's kinda the reason I'm calling. I need to apologize on behalf of the United States for shootin' up your Koran. I got a new one comin' to you by priority mail. Real fancy one, too, gold tipped pages, lotsa pictures... What?... Whadaya mean that wasn't your Koran? Who's Koran was it then?... What you mean, what does it matter? Of course it matters... You don't know who's Koran it was, do you?... Well that's a fine howdy-do. I don't know why we're even having this conversation in the first place if it wasn't your dang Koran. What?... You hold on there, mister, I wouldn't be calling you up in the first place if I'd known it was Joe Blow's Koran gettin' shot up... Joe Blow... That's American for who gives a damn. Did you know that I removed a troop over this 'incident'... What am I going to do with him? I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna have Sean Hannity take him out to Ruth Criss Steakhouse, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna send him an apology for givin' him a rafter of grief cause he used Joe Blow's Koran for target practice... Oh, so your cabinet wishes to see him get the harshest punishment possible, do they? Tell em I said to wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up the fastest... No, I don't give a rat's ass about what the Association of Muslim Scholars has to say... You need to get serious, boy, you're startin' to tick me off. One more outburst like that and I'm gonna be tempted to just let John McCain lose in November. No love lost with that particular sonuvabitch anyway... |
the mustache of understanding
noted hole and suck expert TomTom Friedman ends his latest NYT column with this:
"The first rule of holes is when you’re in one, stop digging. When you’re in three, bring a lot of shovels."
to many this might seem opaque, but to an enlightened few it is clearly a perfect analogy: you use "a lot of shovels" to really really stop digging, especially if you're workin' multiple holes. if you're serious about not digging, what's better to have than unlimited shovels? you can stop digging faster with ten shovels than with one, that's just common sense. if someone stops by and asks about the holes and their digginess, just point at your many large piles of shovels. it's self-evident; how can you dig if your holes are filled with shovels? you can't of course, but you can climb out of the holes using makeshift ladders made of shovels. and what if someone starts to dig? that's easy, you hit him over the head with, you guessed it ...a shovel.
you can also convert one of the shovels into a hash pipe, but I think Tom is way ahead of me on that one.
Could it be?
Not all sociopaths are created equal. In our diverse nation, sociopaths come in multiple shapes and forms. One subdivision I found interesting was Aggressive Narcissism. According to Wikipedia, individuals suffering from this disorder display the following symptoms:
1. Glibness / superficial charm
2. Grandiose sense of self-worth
3. Pathological lying
4. Cunning / manipulative
5. Lack of remorse or guilt
6. Shallow
7. Callous / lack of empathy
8. Failure to accept responsibility for own actions[1]
Is it just me, or does that remind you of someone?
[1] The ninth symptom is sexual promiscuity. Does this include fucking a nation?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
My Old Kentucky Home
Paul Robeson, singin' 'bout "darkies." How that man suffered by Jim Crow and J. Edgar, it's a lingering disgrace. We've come a long ways since then - but still miles to go...the woods are lovely, dark and deep.
"Fuzzing It Up"
One paragraph from "The Most Curious Thing," an in-depth examination of the murder of one prisoner at Abu Ghraib, by Errol Morris.
"Fuzzing it up is a common practice in government. You hide intention and responsibility. You have one person say one thing, and another person the exact opposite. You create a blizzard of paper, so much paper that actual evidence is lost in the glut. And of course, you deny anything and everything you can deny — particularly the obvious. (Denying the obvious is always popular.) You produce noise, distraction and confusion. People rarely think of this as a well-established bureaucratic technique, but it is a tried and true methodology. "
Monday, May 19, 2008
republican problem solving handbook
when confronted with a 'problem' choose several activities from the list below:
ignore it
exploit it
deny it
if asked about it at the beach, say 'talk to the sand'
create intricate web of lies about it
blindly support nutjob president
discuss it with your secret family
declare war on it, call it The War on (the problem)
build a fence around it
give yourself a cool undercover spy name
add three levels of corruption to it
change subject to fancyboy haircuts
link it to the death tax/gay marriage/social security
borrow a mountain of money for you know, whatever
say something about Hitler or Lincoln or Reagan
jury is still out on it
blame it on naive Obama supporters
create an expensive fix that is at least five times worse than (the problem)
use it to help with Constitution shredding
convert airports into humiliation stations
shoot it with a dirty gun
go on TV, vote it off the island
deregulate the piss outta it
fuck that boobilicious secretary from accounting
only the radical left cares about it
if asked about it at the football game say 'talk to the band'
employ foolproof 'goalposts on wheels' strategy
cover it with a big flag
shake it, don't stir it
cover it with big dead soldiers, no photos
email Wright "goddamn America" youtube
throw free money at republican businesses
it's God's will, don't worry about it
praise it's character building opportunities
clearly it was caused by insufficient bomb dropping
it's a problem like too much pie is a problem
try gay sex with strangers again
order a report and refuse to release it
invade weak, oil rich country
shoot it with flag bullets
abortion did it
make cool naked prisoner pyramid for fun
classify it top secret, not pop secret
blame it on Dems 'San Francisco values'
lie about it s'more
put Hershey bars graham crackers and marshmallows on grocery list
don't bother counting the dead people
it's rapturific
ride it hard, put it away wet, pull it out again, dry it off
capitalize it collateralize it securitize it and sell it to the world
pretend a guitar is your wiener
it's why the president must have more power
so not a problem, a blessing in disguise
stuff a flag down it's throat and beat it with a Louisville Slugger
ask your prostitute about it
at it's root it's a lack of patriotism problem
thank God bush is president for it
raise campaign money off it
call it al Qaeda in (wherever it is)
sing a song about dropping bombs on it
pretend you've already solved it in the future
life is short, grab it, milk it, fuck it
Name that sandwich
And who did what in Brian Glazer's hair? Don't answer that.
we gotta keep Sandy's playbook at the top another day cause it's so good.
"I did NOT have sex with THAT man!"
(AREA UNDER CONSTRUCTION)
"Reality" is just another fucked-up liberal idea. Sex is "safe" only when Mr. God approves, by bestowing holy matrimony (or, occasionally, when it just "happens" between when one of his selected leaders gots a little horny looking at intern pages on the floor - or maybe in the stall of a Minneapolis airport restroom, where a micro-spot of divine neglect apparently was allowed to prosper - We're still working on the minute details, only the man upstairs, in his infinite wisdom, completely understands the whole plan).
Need another reason to join with us? How 'bouts we tells you we gots these jockstrap geniuses who can dream up some really gross shit like you never coulda thought of? Things like Weapons Of Mass Destructions, eerie swift boat fantasies, invisible faggot kisses, haw-haw shit, you know, like the time you smeared some poop in the sandwich baggies for cousin Randy's lunch box. Obama sounds like Osama, "Hussein" - did he say "Hussein?" - shit you can groove on in yer pickup, touchin yer crotch, admirin' you 12-guage up there, and listenin' to Alabama. Let me tell ya' - we ain't nevah gonna lose no muthah-fuckin' war, no-sir-eee. That "losin'" shit, it's for libruls, faggots, and pussies. We Republicans love America enough to buy the bumperstickers and wear the pins on our lapels - and we ain't never gonna lose, 'less'un some sissy librul gives in.
Now, I gots to pee..
Bush Decries Dem Goodmouthing
 President Bush once again entered the 2008 election fray, using his presidential clout to portray both Democratic candidates as 'say anything goodmouthers'. Bush's remarks came shortly after his return from an unfruitful tour of the Middle East, where some reporters chastised barbed statements aimed at Barack Obama that Bush made while speaking before Israel's Knesset. "Some people think that the President of the United States has no business warning the Israeli people of the peril that may await them on November 3rd. I respectfully disagree. Some say that the president should stand mute on the sidelines as the candidates indulge in blatant trickery. I stand before the American people and say proudly, I am not Some." "For the past couple of weeks, we have seen some disturbing trends in this year's political process. It started out slowly, a gracious word dropped here or there. But now the floodgates have opened, resulting in an unprecedented amount of goodmouthing between Senator Obama and Senator Clinton, both of them calling the other great and inspirational leaders. They're praising each other to high heaven in a blatant attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of the American people by trying to unite the Democratic Party. This will not stand." "As of late, events have taken an ominous turn. Both candidates have begun goodmouthing Senator McCain, calling him a good and honorable man who has served his country well. At one time, this was an understandable tactic, such as when Senator Clinton goodmouthed John McCain in order to slight Senator Obama. Those preconditions are gone. Now they goodmouth Senator McCain in order to give him a Democratic taint." "Even this is understandable when placed within the context of 'All is fair in love and war and politics'. Senator McCain is running for president, and I am sure this is not the first time he has been on the receiving end of gratuitous goodmouthing." "Last week, while I was attending to the nation's business overseas, however, Senator Obama went a step too far. He goodmouthed my father. George Herbert Walker Bush is a private citizen, and yet he was subjected to hearing Barack Obama say 'I have enormous sympathy for the foreign policy of George H.W. Bush.' He went on to goodmouth my dad further, saying he did an okay job with Desert Storm, and even goodmouthing his actions during the fall of the Berlin Wall. Well, Mr. Obama, my father does not need your sympathy." "Unacceptable and divisive, this is a tactic designed to bewilder the good people in this country. It is time to lower the level of dialogue in this election, and as long as I am still President of this nation, I stand ready to do whatever is necessary." |
For Ferraro
Hey Geri, just wondering what sort of rarefied air you've been breathing the past few years, what sort of secular wonderland you've been living in where the residents see Barack Obama as 'terribly sexist'. Hate to lose your vote to Johnny Mac, but no one can deny that he is a real gentleman.
running for Commander of Abracadabra, the McBush Plan
step 1: lotza problems, oh so many problems. more problems than Cindy has dollars.
step 2: magic happens. free money under the national pillow. air converted to gasoline. our bullets become invincibullets. USAMom cooks favorite meal. tweedledee gives tweedledum a handy. all poop becomes pie. dummies become smarties. superawesomeness fully revealed.
step 3: all is fixed, everybody happy, no more problems.
Case Studies: Declines and Falls
Historically, great powers have been brought down by barbarians, bankruptcy, plagues and famines.
The United States is an